Trump should have read "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"

Trump should have read “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” before attacking Iran. 

In it, he would have learned that ancient Rome invaded Persia many times, with terrible outcomes. 

During one invasion, the Emperor Valerian and his party were separated from the main body of Roman troops, captured and taken prisoner. The Persian Emperor Sapor used Valerian to mount his horse, stepping on his neck and pushing his face into the mud to do so. Valerian was further tortured diabolically, killed and then flayed. The Persians stuffed his skin with straw and put him on display in a museum as an example of what happens to those who invade Persia. 

The Emperor Aurelian was assassinated by his own leading generals while he was in the Balkans on his way to invade Persia because it was rumored he was about to torture and kill them. His invasion fell apart.

The Emperor Carus had a huge success in his attack of Persia, splitting the country and making it all the way to the great city of Ctesiphon. The oracle warned him not to go further, but he ignored those wise words and continued his march. Carus’ huge imperial tent, supported by new brass and iron beams, was struck by lightning and he was burned to death. So superstitious were the Roman troops that they refused to go further, claiming the enterprise was cursed by the gods and Jupiter had struck down Carus because he ignored the holy oracle. 

The Roman Emperor Julian also had a great initial success in invading Persia but once when he hurried into battle he neglected to put on his armor. He was speared through the liver, slowly bled out and died. His invasion fell apart, as they all seem to. 

Which of these things do you think will happen to Trump in one form or another?

Over Tehran?

Seeing the lights of Tehran just ahead, the B-52 pilot got on the intercom with the president.

"Mr. President, we are over the target. The nuke is armed. The Bad Boy is ready to fly. Do I have a go from you?"

"Do it! Do it now! Drop that Bad Boy on those crazy bastards! End that civilization! All I wanted was a little respect and their oil. Now they'll see what happens when they cross me! I'm going to see them all burn!"

"Open the bomb bay doors."

The great Stratofortress, dizzingly high over the center of Tehran, opened its belly like a overweight black flying whale about to give birth.

"Bombs away!"

With a gentle shove the bombardier sent the president hurtling out the bomb bay doors and down into the glistening air high over Tehran, his blond toupee still clipped to his head but flapping in the high wind.

The 20 megaton nuke remained clipped into the belly of the beast.

"I'll kill you all with my bare hands!" the president screamed, as he fell through the whipping wind, swinging out at the air with hapless punches and kicks.

He disappeared somewhere into the peaceful city below.

A millions lights from a million kitchens and bedrooms twinkled in a carpet of life beneath the great peaceful bomber high and silent in the night sky.

"Sorry, Iran, but he's your problem now," the pilot said. "Close the bomb bay doors and let's go home."

Easter Exorcism 2026

 

Easter Exorcism 2026

 

Block your ears to his dark silly songs

Damn his sibylline lies to hell

 

Abandon this bloody blond beast

Convalesce your spirit and find new light

 

Deny his foul works and necromancy

See your heart beat as yours again

 

Curse his foul name and blighted line

Discover integrity, recover the daylight

 

Undo pale witless repression and hell

Find benevolent tranquility and kindness

 

Tear down his works and edifices

Let the sunlight shine in the green forest again

 

Reap from him what he has stolen

Again be prosperous and benevolent and true

 

Drink the antidote to this serpent’s poison

Let your blood run clear and fresh

 

Out! Out! He his cast out!

The demon has fled, never to return